Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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