You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
