Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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