You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
