Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
