Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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