I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
