i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
