well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
