I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
