We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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