I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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