it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Randomize
