I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
