what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
