I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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