Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
