i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
