it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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