she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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