My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
