you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
