the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
