my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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