yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
