Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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