You're so nebulous sometimes
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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