he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
