I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
