I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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