New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
