ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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