so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
