Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
