apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
