so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
