My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
