I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
