Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Randomize
