Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
