she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
