nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Two words: blizzard sex
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
