Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
