I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
