We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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