do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
