It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
