That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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