another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
