who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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