i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
