When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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