turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
